we've got nothing to feel sorry for

summer summer summer.

it's finally here, and i have the tan to prove it.

and everything looks better, i reckon it was the french weather (:

quite honestly, i think i have moaned enough this year. i'm sick of it. it's boring and time wasting. it doesnt help matters, if anything it makes you dwell on it and elongates the negative feelings that you're trying to bottle up. and i dont want to anymore. it's time to move on and put every single bad thing that's happened behind me and forget it. then the rest of this year can be better than ever. i have a feeling summer'10 is going to be the best yet. i have the most amazing friends who never ever fail to make me smile. i'll admit, there are those who i have little contact with now, which is a shame but if the wanted to stick around- they would. but life is good. and okay, so sometimes it doesn't always seem like it, but there are moments that are golden in life, and they're the ones to cherish. so what that sometimes it's been shit? wouldnt you rather have the shit times with the golden times rather than a mediocre life? it'll all work out eventually. and we'll all be happy again. and it'll be golden (:

oh and darling- i dont like you. i would be lying if i said i ever liked you. and yes, you were a dick. but it's not me who did it, it was you, so stop with the pathetic looks and grow the fuck up. if anything, that should be me that can act like that, but im not quite that petty. and really if it's as solid as you make out - what are you afraid i'll do? because right now, you acting like that is just pissing me off. so shut up and get out. please and thankyou (:

I'm not gonna get hooked up, just cos you say i should

I know you're not worth it.

I just wish you were.

But, I'm going to cheer the fuck up- cos I'm no fun when i'm quiet.

Just bare with me, I'm trying (:

i remember years ago someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love, i did

I want to scream.
I want to yell.
I want to cry.
I want to be upset.
I want to be immature.
I want to laugh uncontrollably.
I want to be drunk.
I want to be happy.

and I thought that maybe I was, for a quick second there. It was so unlike me, to let my guard down like that, and now I remember why I don't. I hate feeling that vulnerable. I hate feeling that angry and upset. I can't deal with crying for hours and emotions. That just isnt me. But I'm not sure how much of it was to do with the act itself. The question "again, seriously?? what the fuck is wrong with me?!" obviously but also that it was you this time. After everything you've said before. They're the things i remember now, the way you have been there consistantly over the last year, and the time when i want to speak to you the most, i can't. And that's what's upsetting me. Not what couldve been, but what i've lost. There's just some things you can't un-say. and even though they are some of the nicest most amazing things anyone had ever said to me. I wish i couldn't remember them now. cos it makes it harder. and i miss you.

i would just like to thank those who are just so fucking amazing. and i dont know what i'd do without them. i love you.

Sof sof, IE, Broughts, MM and Safabelle.
(they are clearly nicknames to be jealous of )

and Aron Ward- you're an absolute bloody star, and i never expected it, but i am so glad you want "to beat the fucker up" ;)