i remember years ago someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love, i did

I want to scream.
I want to yell.
I want to cry.
I want to be upset.
I want to be immature.
I want to laugh uncontrollably.
I want to be drunk.
I want to be happy.

and I thought that maybe I was, for a quick second there. It was so unlike me, to let my guard down like that, and now I remember why I don't. I hate feeling that vulnerable. I hate feeling that angry and upset. I can't deal with crying for hours and emotions. That just isnt me. But I'm not sure how much of it was to do with the act itself. The question "again, seriously?? what the fuck is wrong with me?!" obviously but also that it was you this time. After everything you've said before. They're the things i remember now, the way you have been there consistantly over the last year, and the time when i want to speak to you the most, i can't. And that's what's upsetting me. Not what couldve been, but what i've lost. There's just some things you can't un-say. and even though they are some of the nicest most amazing things anyone had ever said to me. I wish i couldn't remember them now. cos it makes it harder. and i miss you.

i would just like to thank those who are just so fucking amazing. and i dont know what i'd do without them. i love you.

Sof sof, IE, Broughts, MM and Safabelle.
(they are clearly nicknames to be jealous of )

and Aron Ward- you're an absolute bloody star, and i never expected it, but i am so glad you want "to beat the fucker up" ;)